This is an update/feelings post about body image and body confidence.
-Written on 15 August-
Recently, I feel like a potato.
Okay, let me rephrase that. My body image and body confidence are both so low that I feel like I look like a brown, lumpy thing that grows in the dirt. My last post covered a song by 5 Seconds of Summer called 'She Looks So Perfect.' Which in the video there was a lot of body confidence and positive body imaging going on.
I am at a point in my psyche where I feel like I don't look good. I feel like I am never going to look exactly the way I want to. I love my hairstyle, but my hair is ALWAYS frizzy because it is so damaged. I love a lot of my face (and I have come a lot way to say that) but there is always something that I don't like that certain day, be it my nose (which looks better with the piercing) or my chin (which I feel always looks fat).
I know that a majority of these feelings come from my mom always telling me I was big or fat. But I can't help but feel this way.
Moving from my face to my body, I hate my bust. I have a size 38D (or 36DD) bust. It gets in the way, it causes back problems, and it just upsets me. It upsets me because a majority of men in my life have only really liked me because I am 'stacked up like a bookstore.'
My middle and waist are chubby, I hate it. I used to have this tiny cute thin waist and I was nice looking. I used to be able to fit into my birth mother's clothing (size 0s and size smalls). I have been working out a bit to try and get there, but I feel like I never will. I noticed yesterday that I need a belt for my size 9 shorts (which I bought maybe 4 months ago, a little bit before I bought the size 11 shorts because the size 9s were too small). I'm making progress, I guess, but I feel like I am still extremely chubby.
I think I just don't like my knees because knees are weird.
-2 Days later (written on the 17th)-
All in all, my body image has been in the dirt. I actually am working on toning my belly, so it lies flat and pretty. I really want to wear crop tops. Another thing that I am interested in doing is working out more and more. I think that it would be good for me. Well, exercise is good regardless.
I have been doing a little better. I am just going through a weird set of moods. A few days ago, my body confidence was nil, but I am working on it. I still wish I was thinner and could wear whatever I wanted. Hopefully, because I am lactose intolerant, I will be able to fix my weigh issues.
Thanks for listening,