Monday, September 7, 2015

7 September 2015 // "Dear Fat People" // Nicole Arbour // Body Image ((beware of photos and length))

Hey guys.

So I am talking serious again (I've been doing that a lot lately). It's a response to the video that is going viral by a YouTuber named Nicole Arbour. Just a warning, I will possibly curse. This video upset me. Also, I am going to talk about an eating disorder, depression and self-harm. There are also graphic images. At the bottom will be some tips on how to lose weight properly and a small update. Just a warning, this is a long post but it is mainly rant filled about Miss Arbour's video.
Okay, first off - when I saw this video... I saw a knock off Jenna Marbles. 

Meet Nicole Arbour. The knock off of Jenna Marbles (attitude and voice wise) who looks like she is trying to pull of GiGi Gorgeous' look. I probably spend too much time on YouTube for my own good.

Now, I used to be a Jenna Marbles fan but that's not important. I just got tired of her repetitive content (says the girl who watches Let's Plays and Markiplier and Beauty Videos). This girl (woman I guess?) is a white, blonde woman with catliner and magenta lips and pink in her hair. Not important, but I will not be linking the video because this disgusting peice of shit media doesn't deserve the 550K+ views it has received.

She starts off with a "joke" about how fat people are slow and she could get away at a "reasonable pace." Girl, really? This 'woman' because - her ideals are so disgusting I don't want to call her a woman - talks about how 'fat shaming' isn't a thing. See, I don't believe in 'fat shaming' or 'skinny/thin shaming...' it's called body shaming. If you're pudgy/pleasantly plump and you're okay with it, awesome! If you're a stick and you're happy? Great! Love the body you're in. It's not worth it. Unless there is some serious issues (diabetes, heart disease, other weight related issues) there is no reason to sweat it. Sad thing is, I wish I had the same mentality in middle and high school. Even now, I am still scared to gain weight (more about that after I further discuss this video).

"You just need to stop eating." ...Oh, fuck no. Girl, you are endorsing a serious eating disorder in that way. Anorexia Nervosa is serious. According to between 1% and 4% of women have suffered Anorexia in their lifetime. Now, my math skills are... lacking... but if I am correct that would be 1 in 100 to 4 in 100 women suffer from it in their lifetime. Okay, I vaguely remember how many kids were in my graduating class. So, roughly 500 (I think it was like 481 my sophomore year so give or take). Let's say... it was an equal amount of boys and girls (so 250). And here we play a game of statistics. So according to Wolfram Alpha (a computational knowledge engine) (read about it Here if you are interested in it), that is anywhere between 2.5 and 10 girls. But we know that Anorexia affects men as well, and while National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders only has statistics about gay men... I am going to assume that it may apply to other men as well. So I am going out on a limb to say that anorexia affects men more so than bulimia does. (If you have statistics to tell me otherwise, please feel free to let me know! I like having citations!) Either way, the statement of "you just need to stop eating" is something that could have lasting effects on your viewers (if they are young teens). Though I have no idea how to look at the demographics of her viewers without Google Analytics.

Now, I think the best thing she may have done in this video was ask "how stupid do I look?" Well, Miss Arbour, you look really fucking stupid. But that's beside the point. I can give her a little credit (as much as I would hate to) for her saying "if you have a medical condition - I'm not aiming this at you." Going on she talks about the "35% of North Americans who are obese." Let's cite some things. According to Havard School of Public Health (getting real fancy with these citations here), a BMI (which is a terrible way to measure health) of 25 - 29.9 is 'overweight' while 30+ is 'obese.' That being said, she was only correct in the 35% (it's actually 36% according to HSPH) in the US are obese with 69% (that's two out of three people, guys) are 'overweight.' Her home of Canada's stats are lower that the US with 25% being 'obese' and 62% being 'overweight.'

"There are no Skeletons that look like the Michelin man." Can I claim that as an Anorexia reference? I took some photos from the 'anorexia' Tumblr tag. Look at these.

Is that okay, Miss Arbour? Is that healthy to you? It's not to me. Anorexia has several bad side effects that really messes with the body. It's classified as a mental illness for a reason! As I look through the 'pro anna' 'pro ana' 'anorexia' 'anorexia nervosa' 'thinspo' 'thinspiration' 'bulima nervosa' 'pro mia' and 'eating disorder' tags, I see self-hate that reminds me of middle and high school for myself... and my best friend. Self-harm, rib cages, hip bones and thigh gaps are all part of this Tumblr community. So much self-hatred that doesn't need to be there. And Miss Arbour is supplying these posts and such with her hatred of larger people... of 'fat people.'

Another thing this moron (is that insensitive? am I allowed to call her a moron?), states is that "shaming people with bad habits until they stop" is a good idea. Wrong. It's been proven by many psychologists that this doesn't work. It is stated in Psychological Science (ISBN: 978-0131739857)'s chapter 6 on Learning and Conditioning. I have experienced personally that this kind of thing only makes the behaviors more extreme. For instance, when I was larger and my aunt (whom I lived with) would try and shame me into losing weight, it would make me depressed and I would eat more - thus making the opposite thing she wanted to happen. It's completely psychological.

"Maybe I am a little jealous you get to eat what you want." Uhm, you can, too, Miss Arbour. There's this interesting concept that is called "Eating less calories than you burn." It's the basis of losing weight. When done correctly, you can eat 3000 calories and still be thin. You just have to burn more than 3000 calories in a day. And while some argue "she's a popstar and has to watch her weight!" and "That only works with healthy food." Do you know how many tater tots I can shove in my facehole and still stay at 120 pounds? I'll put it this way - I went to Sonic and got two family size tater tots. And while I considered that a meal (one container equaled one meal to me), I also ate through out the day, too. The only difference is that because I take public transit and work in a retail store, I am on my feet a lot of the day. I walk everywhere because it is healthy.

I'm not going to comment on her 'parking pass' comment. It was so stupid that I felt my brain cells die. Same with her 'assisted suicide' comment. Assisted suicide is another post that I don't want to get into right now.

"Isn't it ironic that it's taking a blonde girl to explain shit?" No, Miss Arbour, it's not. I know several blonde women with intelligence. You, however, my little blonde bunny are not one of them. I had a professor in college (when I was in college) my first semester named Dr. Jennifer Siciliani. She was a short, blonde woman with a fiery personality. The woman is so intelligent that I was intimidated by her. She even conducted a research project on body image distortion (dismorphia). I find myself relatively knowledgeable in the field of psychology (that was my major when I was studying) and I collect information of the subject because I find it fascinating now that I am no longer studying. I'm a natural blonde. And I could list other blondes, but I feel like that would be a waste of time.

Oh no... she uses the 'one body' arguement. See the problem with this arguement (that I have at least) is that it is commonly used by conservatives and relgious folk. They say "your body is a temple! You only get one! Don't have sex! Don't do this, don't do that." Look, if I want to have 100 million dicks in me and drink my liver into oblivion, it's not their problem. It's not their business. Just like it is not Miss Arbour's business if I want to unhinge my jaw and swallow a large triple cheese burger meal at McDonald's and follow it up with 3 large teas and two strawberry creme pies. Then go to a fair and eat deep fried twinkies and deep fried snickers (which are both delicious). And then go home and follow it up with a nutella milkshake. As long as you exercise right, it's not a big deal. I like McDonald's and deep fried food! Who is she to tell someone what they should and shouldn't do with their body? No one. A dumbass, really. Okay, insulting her was mean. But it pisses me off when people tell others what to do with their bodies. If someone wants to do heroin (which I think is a bad idea) I won't tell them they can't. If it's someone I love, I will inform them, you know, hey buddy, you know that shit can kill you right? It's how Sid Vicious died. Don't be like Sid. His life ended in tragedy. I mean, he killed his girlfriend. It's also like conservatives that are against abortion. If I get pregnant, I can't take care of a child. And I don't want to go through child birth. So, they can yell all they want, but it is none of their business what I do or don't do with my body. Back the fuck off, brosidon.

Oh come on, now she's just making it too easy to pick apart her arguments. Am I even half way done with this video? What? I'm not even to three minutes? Oh goddammit. I am so sorry for how long this is.

She starts on a rant about the hashtags (like 'body positive'). She rants about how "being positive to your body and working out and eating right" is 'body positive.' Someone get this girl a chair or a whole row. She needs to sit the fuck down. There are people who have such low esteem because of bitches like her that are negative towards people. Some people of Polycystic Ovary syndrome (ready more here about PCOS) and others have thyroid issues. They can't help it and if there are fucking bullies like Miss Arbour, it takes a toll on them. My body issue (thankfully) wasn't medical. I was just a nerdy gamer girl in my basement all the time that had depression - eating made me feel better. I didn't move enough. But if I had a medical condition I would have loved the tag 'body positive' because I felt like garbage most of the time anyway. My body wasn't pretty. A lot of the girls in my high school were thin, I wasn't. I was picked on in my high school and middle school for being bigger. I dreaded the locker room. I changed in stalls. There are people with those medical conditions that do the same... and they can't do anything about their weight. They need those tags because low self-esteem and self-hatred can have negative consequences (suicide, self-harm, depression, etc).

"Plus size stands for 'plus heart disease', 'plus knee problems,' 'plus diabetes,' 'plus your family and friends crying because they lost you too soon because you needed to have a coke and fries.'" This girl is so stupid. She obviously doesn't understand the concept I mentioned above about food and burning calories. I have knee problems, not from my weight. And Miss Arbour was a dancer and cheerleader, which also gives you knee problems if you're not careful. She did runway shows, presumably in heels. What if I told her all the things that high heels do to her feet? Would she understand that it is exactly what she is doing? Probably not. The stupidity in this video is astounding. I hope she is just doing this for views and this isn't her actual beliefs... otherwise she's dumber than a box of rocks.

She complains about the airport and how a 'TLC special sized family complained about their knees hurting so they go to the front of the line.' God forbid you wait 5-10 min longer than you already have. It's why you get to the airport early, moron. So you have time to take your shoes off, get molested by TSA, prodded and pat down. Poor you, you're so inconvenienced. She continues to berated this family because she was inconvenienced. Oh, no. Poor girl. Are you that entitled, Miss Arbour that you can't be bothered to stand in line a little longer? Gotta go get your skinny latte at Starbucks and get a vegan-gluten-free-free-range-wrap? It can wait another 2 minutes, no one is going anywhere. We all have been there. Airports suck. It happens. Did I mention she claims to be a minority? Cute. Yes, you're a woman. But babe, you're a privileged white woman, sit down. There are ten year olds that have been gang raped in India - repeatedly so. Being felt up by TSA is not that bad. Not getting your Starfucks isn't going to kill you. It's a line. Get over it.

HA! She says she's not an asshole! Haha! Hahahahaha! That's great. Of course you're not an asshole, babe. Totally not. As I poke holes in your asshole video. Nope. Not at all. Bullshittery and dumbfuckery everywhere these days I guess. Cute Star Wars reference to Jabba. You're an idiot. I feel like at this point my drunken state has more brain cells than this dumbass girl does...

Oh look. Racial stereotype. That's another post. This girl is serious grating on my last nerve. "Big sassy black women in church dresses." Someone come give this girl a big ol' bitch slap. Please?

"I'm not saying this because I'm an asshole. I'm saying this because your friends should be saying it to you." Uhm, no. Me and my friends... we hang out and do stuff. Hell, my friends and I went out to Steak n Shake the other night. We all got burgers and fries. I ate everything. Burger, fries and a milkshake. yup. The entire shake. Salted caramel pretzel. Fuckin' delicious.

"I will love you matter what." You know, unless you're fat. Then she won't.

Okay, back into reality. This YouTube video has upset me more than Anita Sarkeesian has in the past (But Sam, is that possible? you ask). And I response, yes, it is. Miss Sarkeesian is up there with females I wish would choke on a dick... along with now Miss Arbour.

Eating disorders are not funny to me. They shouldn't be funny to anyone, actually. I never really talked about it much in the past because, well, it's kind of a thing I don't like to talk about... but in middle school and the first two years of high school... I never really ate. I realize, between 5 and 10 years later, I had an eating disorder (two actually). In middle school and the beginning of high school, I can say that I was anorexia. I had anorexia nervosa. I didn't eat. I worried about my weight. I did exercise all the time (swimming, soccer, running, tramoline stuff). I lose a lot of weight (I was always under 100 pounds until my sophomore year). My self-esteem was low (being picked on and bullied did that). At the age of 14/15, I hated myself. Through out middle school, I self harmed... my best friend found out about it... she made me stop. Checked me everyday it seemed like for new harm... And then I moved. I went back to not eating much and harming. New kid at a new school... it sucked.

My second disorder was Binge Eating Disorder. This occured during my sophomore year where I was broken up with a guy I seriously liked. My depression was so bad that I constantly felt hungry. I wasn't 95-100 pounds anymore. I ballooned up to 170-180 by the beginning of my senior year. I had gone through a lot at that point and my depression was worse. My parents did little to help (their constant fighting and bringing me down hurt more than anything). They always seemed to blame me for everything wrong (my mother figure more than my father figure). I wasn't ever happy and I remember that sometime when I went off to college, I was sitting on the train platform (this was 10 minutes after being told I was failing English (depression made it hard to go to class)) and seeing the train coming... I thought about jumping in front of it. The only thing that stopped me was my 600 dollar laptop and my 300 dollar iPhone. That would've been a waste of 900 dollars that my parents spent on me. So instead, I got on the train and went back to the dorm and ate 4 or 5 easy macs, an entire bag of chips and hated myself afterwards.

That summer, I stayed with my best friend... and that's when I realized... she had anorexia. She was obsessive about her weight (like I had been all those years before) and she refused to eat... I would tell her to go to McDs and I would coax her carefully into eating. It wasn't much but it was enough. Like me, she would progress and recover... though when she gets far too stressed out she tends to binge eat.

Here is a comparison from middle school to now for myself:

I'm the little blonde in green obviously. This was either in 7th or 8th grade. I was tiny then...
 This was about 80-90 pounds here. This was when I was my most active.

My first cosplay when I was 95-100 pounds. This was about a year to a year and a half before I hit the depression. I ended up being into cosplay and anime cons. Being a little newbie nerd.

Oh Junior prom. Turns out I never had pictures taken of me in Sophomore year... possibly because that's when I was at my lowest so I most likely hated the camera. This dress was corset boned so it sucked most of my stuff in. Which was great. You can see that there is a big difference. My arms are bigger, my face is largder... thicker neck and another chin... I hated the way I looked here.

This was my senior year, right before graduation. This was actually my 18th birthday... This was at my heaviest (so pushing 180). At this point, I was trying to cut out soda and bad foods. Cutting out soda help a lot. I dropped 20 pounds after being on a mildly vegetarian diet and drinking a shitton of water.

This was after the 20 pound weight drop. I was so happy to be able to fit into smaller clothing. This was my VK-gyaru phase. I found my love of beanies during this phase.

Another 20 down. 140 at this point. New Years 2013 was a turning point for me due to depression and it had been a hard year. I dropped out of school and my parents dragged me through their divorce... one parent blamed me and the other's depression rubbed off on me.

And finally, a recent picture from this past July. This is at my lowest since my sophomore year. 120 and I have been at 120 the past 3 months. I have plateaued so I need to start toning. My lifestyle change because my depression had gotten so bad senior year of high school and freshmen year of college that I just decided to try changing.

As of today, I can go five miles (running at least 2 of them) without getting too tired. I still have knee issues from that sports injury, but I have a knee brace for that. I drink water unless I am drinking alcohol - rum can't be chased with water, let's be honest here.

Unlike Miss Arbour, I don't recommend just not eating. Eat less, eat better, exercise more... get rid of the sodas. Cutting out soda did the best for me. And you know what? It's a process. It's a long long process to get healthier. I started in October-November 2013, this photo is only two months old. That's almost 2 years of working at it. Now, I maintain and am coming up with a toning plan.

And while losing weight and getting healthy is a long process. But to me it was worth it. Once I hit single digit pants sizes - my confidence, self-esteem and self-image went up drastically. And then I could start wearing crop tops - my ego inflated a little at that one. My body shaped itself back to the hourglass-like shape I remember having in middle and beginning of high school. I just couldn't believe it. That was 50-60 pounds of weight that came off and I managed to get a confidence boost from that?

It also might have had something to do with cutting out negative influences as well. Recently, M and I stopped talking (I say recently but it was like June-July that it happened). And when I went off to school I cut my mother figure out - she was one reason I hated myself so much. She fed into my "you're fat and should be ashamed" complex. Now, almost two years later, there is one negative influence in my life, but I am working on cutting them out of it.

I have been so lucky to have my current boyfriend the last five months in my life (as benefriends and later my boyfriend). This goes to say the same with my best friend. The last couple months (since June, really) have been kind of hard on me - mentally at least. I am so excited to have such great people supporting me (shout out to my cousin, Em, and my best friend's husband, too). The three of them have been pushing me to strive to better myself and to stop letting people tear me down.

It's been a long road and I am actually finally figuring out who I am and how I feel about myself. There are some days that I wish I was better (depression still comes in crushing blows) and there are days where I wake up so happy to be alive and smiling. But that comes with depression and anxiety. I am learning to work with both of them. Anxiety is making it hard to socialize though, let's face it.

For instance, meeting my boyfriend's friends is a terrifying idea. And while I am in an open relationship (where I am allowed to date other people - though I am pretty sure having another bf is out of the question, for sure), going out on dates sounds exhausting. Followed by the whole, if I didn't have anxiety I could go to this event that happens every Tuesday - but the whole surrounded by people thing... it freaks me out. Same with going out dancing at my favorite night club... I stand in the back by the bar - drinking rum and coke.

I have made a promise to myself to force myself out of my little basement hole (my bedroom is in a basement). So, next available time I can, I want to meet my boyfriend's friends. I am possibly going out with someone this week. And if I can, I will work myself up to going to that event on a Tuesday the boyfriend is available to go. Baby steps, right?

And I am going to stop this now, I have a few more posts in the future to finish writing. The next one will be released by the end of the week, I just need to sit down and plan out my thoughts better.



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